An Antidote to Toxic Positivity
Everywhere we look, it seems like we are bombarded with platitudinous messages such as “good vibes only”, “just stay positive”, or “happiness is a choice.” If seeing another glib post saying “look on the bright side” or “everything happens for a reason” is making your eyes water and blood boil, know that your reaction is normal. One study showed that participants who were asked to suppress negative emotions regarding an upsetting event experienced more negative emotions compared to those who were not receiving any instructions to control their emotions (Dalgleish et al., 2009).
With or against? Know your story.
Regardless of what side you are on, what is happening between Israel and Hamas is universally disturbing and will continue to represent a frightening and threatening conflict that looms in our world today. Perhaps subtly striking about the previous sentence is the assumption that you must fall on one side or the other.
Therapy Story: “To others, I am the happy one.”
“I am the happy one” is what I like to call a dominant story. I have found that part of the cause of people’s feeling stuck, depressed, high anxiety, and all the symptoms can be associated are the expectations foisted upon us by the roles we end up playing in lives. Starting even as early as childhood, people embrace the labels that their families often give them: “the happy one,” “the thoughtful one,” “the stubborn one.” These are just a few that end up becoming part of people’s fundamental way of thinking about themselves, and often end up living into their adult relationships.
Therapy Story: “By this age, I should have accomplished…”
From the beginning of pre-school, to the end of college, graduate school or beyond, our society dictates to us what we should be doing, when, how, and compared to whom. This source of these dominant stories are varied and include social, corporate, familial and ethnic/cultural spheres. These stories cause anxiety.
Therapy Story: "I feel so behind compared to other people."
It is common that people start therapy with the belief that they are behind in some area of life. It may be career, relationships, or even in understanding fundamental truths about their identity. So many of us believe that we should have accomplished more than we have at this point and judge ourselves based on others whom we perceive to be further along.
Therapy Story: “I should be over that by now.”
In our NYC-paced energy-filled complicated and often lives, we are socialized to “keep pushing forward.” We feel pressure from within and from around ourselves to “not look back” and continue building, growing, and progressing. While this sentiment has value (and is indeed palpable from the moment a person starts pre-school), it also represents a dominant story that can occlude vital parts of our past lived experience that may need continued processing.
Therapy Story: “Sometimes it feels like I can never relax.”
Relaxation can assume incredibly different forms for each of us. And while we all crave moments to unwind or take our mind off of other pressing responsibilities, it can be challenging to explicitly define what relaxation looks like, even when those rare pockets of free time emerge in our schedules. And while the prescriptive bubble bath, easy chair, or warm cup of tea may pop into our heads when we have a few hours to spare, they don’t necessarily foster the tranquility and presence that can always rejuvenate us.
Therapy Story: “I feel so behind compared to other people.”
A variant on “I should have done this by now,” this statement reminds me of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Behind this statement is the concept that specific life stages are tied to specific accomplishments, and that one cannot progress beyond a certain stage unless a task or milestone has been accomplished.
Therapy Story: "My problems are not as bad as other people’s problems.”
I often hear people say things like “I hate this job, but I have to remember, a lot of people don’t have a job,” (so I shouldn’t feel this way) or “There are a lot of people that have it a lot worse than me, so I should stop complaining.”
4 Questions to Ask Yourself When Looking for a Therapist
The process of finding a therapist can be bewildering and frustrating, especially if it's a new process for you. When am I going to hear back? Psychopharmacology? Psychoeducation? Psycho-what? What are all these specializations - is that something that applies to me? Here are some things to consider in your search.
Therapy in the digital age: Why sharing our stories matters more than ever.
Technology is increasingly present and unavoidable in our lives. As a therapist, I find myself regularly thinking about the impact of technologies—some potential, and some already here—on how we live and engage with one another in an increasingly digital world. For example, it is now common for people to meet with therapists over chat and text lines through providers that primarily rely on textual exchange as the medium for “listening” and intervention.
Your New York Story: Living, Struggling, and Thriving in the Big Apple
If you have lived in or spent significant time in New York City, you have likely come to recognize that it impacts people in different ways. Its sheer size, diversity, culture, popularity, uniqueness and general stimulation brings with it a profound set of influences. In fact, when I begin therapy with someone, I often look to understand how they uniquely experience the city as a beginning point for our work together.
Telling your story: Why it’s important now, and how I may help
As a therapist, I am often asked to explain how therapy works. It isn’t always an easy question to answer, considering that each client comes to therapy with different needs, challenges, and strengths. However, while the “active ingredient” of therapy may vary from person to person, there are two important elements that are almost always present in an effective treatment.
When It Feels Overwhelming: Do These 3 Simple, Difficult Things
As a trauma and addiction psychologist, I talk to many people who feel overwhelmed by messy lives, difficult relationships, and inner pain. This is a common feeling, especially in 2021 as we continue to face a global pandemic accompanied by major changes to our ways of being and thinking.
The Long Road Back: Integrating back into life as the pandemic shifts
We are quickly approaching the anniversary of COVID 19 in the US and its lasting impact on the American psyche. #themoment is trending. Naturally, a lot of feelings are coming up. Anniversaries are typically a time for reflection, and this is no different. Where were you this time last year? What were your dreams or plans for 2020? What did you have to give up? A lot? A little? Most of it? All of it?
New Blog Series “Not Just Talk: Stories in Therapy and the Impacts of Telling Them”
At Corestory, we hold as most important the fundamental, and animating value of story and storytelling. I see your stories as a living tapestry of what connects you to your past, defines your current experiences, and guides your decisions about how to navigate into your future. You ARE your stories, and when you lose contact with your stories, you lose contact with yourself, and in clinical language, this can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Can Therapy Help Me Deal with Uncertainty?
One day in mid-March 2020, our lives took an unexpected turn when we were asked to stay home and conduct our usual business in the most unusual way. Our social and professional stories collapsed into a “curve-flattened” version of themselves where some of our senses became over-used (the burn in your eyes after a day of Zoom meetings), while others lost their usual stimulation (remember hugging?).
Coping with the COVID-19 Holiday Season
The holiday season can provoke a range of emotions and stresses but this holiday season can feel especially stressful because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Whether you choose to gather with family, celebrate with your existing household members, or connect virtually, it is important to begin to cope with the feelings that will arise. Beginning the coping process before we reach the holidays will allow us to identify potential factors that may cause emotional distress and develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage that distress. The benefits of coping ahead of the holiday season include allowing yourself to create realistic expectations and bringing a sense of control during a time of uncertainty.
Finding A Therapist
There are so many things to think about when looking for a therapist. Most people have practical questions: do they take my insurance? Is their office convenient to get to (once in-person therapy resumes)? What is their training and approach to therapy? Personal qualities such as the therapist’s racial identity, sexual orientation, or gender identity may also factor into the decision-making process.
What is "Pregnancy After Loss?"
Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) is any pregnancy that follows a gestational loss (i.e., miscarriage or stillbirth); 50-60% of women who experienced a pregnancy loss become pregnant again within a year following their loss.