How to Be Open and Set Boundaries With the People You Love, Especially During the Holidays
The holidays have a way of bringing out the best in us…and sometimes the most stressed and anxious parts of us. We want connection, warmth, and shared traditions, yet the pressure to “be on,” the weight of old dynamics, and the expectation to do it all can leave us feeling stretched thin.
Many people think they have to choose between being open or setting boundaries but the truth is, the most grounded relationships make room for both. Here are three ways to stay connected while still caring for your emotional wellbeing this holiday season.
1. Lead With Honesty, Not Overexposure
Being open doesn’t mean telling everyone everything. It means being honest about what’s true for you in a way that’s respectful and grounded.
Try language like:
“I love being with everyone, but I may need to step away for a bit to recharge.”
“I’m excited to see you, and I want to be clear about what I can realistically commit to this year.”
This type of honesty builds intimacy without sacrificing your comfort. It lets others see the real you: your limits, your needs, and your humanity, without shifting into oversharing or emotional caretaking.
The goal: Share what is supportive for connection, not what creates pressure for you or the other person.
2. Set Boundaries That Preserve the Relationship, Not Punish It
Boundaries are often misunderstood as walls. In healthy relationships, they function more like guardrails. Boundaries keep you safely and sustainably in the relationship.
During the holidays especially, boundaries can sound like:
Time boundaries: “I can stay until 8pm, then I’m heading home to rest.”
Energy boundaries: “I’m going to pass on that topic today; it’s a little too much for me right now.”
Emotional boundaries: “I want to be here with you, but I can’t mediate this conflict today.”
When boundaries are stated calmly and early, before resentment builds they can actually make connection easier. People know what to expect, and you avoid operating from a place of overwhelm or shutdown.
3. Stay Grounded in Your Intentions for the Season
Before you walk into any holiday gathering, take a moment to ask yourself:
What kind of experience do I want to have this year?
How do I want to feel when I leave?
What matters most to me and what matters less?
When you’re clear on your intentions, you’re less likely to react impulsively or fall back into old family roles. You can show up with empathy while staying anchored to your values.
Intentions might include:
I want to feel connected, not stretched thin.
I’m prioritizing peace, not perfection.
I want to connect with the people I love, not get pulled into old conflicts.
Your boundaries become less about defending yourself and more about creating the conditions that allow you to show up as your best self.
Final Thought
Being open and setting boundaries aren’t opposites, they are actually partners. Openness brings warmth, authenticity, and connection. Boundaries bring safety, clarity, and emotional sustainability. Together, they help you participate in the holidays with generosity and self-respect.
