There are so many things to think about when looking for a therapist. Most people have practical questions: do they take my insurance? Is their office convenient to get to (once in-person therapy resumes)? What is their training and approach to therapy? Personal qualities such as the therapist’s racial identity, sexual orientation, or gender identity may also factor into the decision-making process.
These considerations are all important guides in your search for the right therapist, but the factor that has been shown to have the greatest impact on the success of any therapy is harder to quantify: the quality of the relationship between the client and therapist. This is called the “therapeutic alliance” and it refers to the unique bond that develops between client and therapist that is based in understanding, trust, and mutual investment. Multiple studies [1] have actually confirmed that it is this special relationship, more than any specific therapeutic technique, that determines people’s satisfaction with therapy.
Given how important this alliance is, how do you find one?
The humanist psychologist Carl Rogers [2] suggested that three qualities form the foundation of a positive therapeutic relationship:
1. Empathy
2. Authenticity
3. Unconditional positive regard
When meeting with a new therapist, pay attention to how you feel and consider the following questions:
Is the therapist making an attempt to understand you and showing concern, or do you feel judged or dismissed?
Are they willing to honestly discuss your questions and concerns? Will they admit if they’ve made a mistake or do they seem guarded and defensive?
Do you feel valued and respected as a person, even when you are sharing difficult thoughts and feelings?
Ultimately, there is no “one size fits all” in therapy, and it is important to find the right fit for you. It may take time, but finding a therapist with whom you can develop a positive bond is the most important step you can take towards your healing and growth.